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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Confusing Commercials' LiveJournal:

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Friday, September 25th, 2009
1:57 am
[akktri]
One simple, eloquent sentence
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard....
Wednesday, August 19th, 2009
12:07 am
[akktri]
Joan Rivers Geico
Geico Commercial with Joan Rivers "My face has seen more knives than a benihana." Talk about an obscure reference. I had to look through the internet before I found this: http://www.benihana.com/ I ask you, was it really worth it?
Wednesday, August 5th, 2009
1:35 am
[akktri]
Pledge and the glass box
I think there's a conspiracy going on. Someone keeps kidnapping women and putting them in a giant glass box. Apparently they must be chloroformed or something, then placed in the glass box, which contains a simulated living room and a can of Pledge. In a scenario similar to SAW, some madman forces them to spray down all the dusty surfaces with the spray can, and then leaves them there to rot forever. At the end of one commercial, the woman knocks on the glass and begs to be released. We never see this woman again. I suspect she died from suffocation, as there doesn't seem to be adequate ventilation in the box, and spraying aerosols would not help matters. The killer must have been cunning with the way he hid the bodies. I guess they smell like Pledge, so it conceals the odor.
Thursday, June 25th, 2009
1:18 am
[akktri]
Lectric Shave
P1. The guy is shaving, and all his hairs have his face on it.
P2. They all like being shaved.
C: They must be masochists.
"Please. Cut me off and wash me into the sewage!"
Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
3:37 pm
[akktri]
Oil Barons and Cigars.
"Our heater takes a puff away from a fat oil baron's cigar!" one heating and air conditioning company claims. But who's to say that they aren't puffing on their own cigar? And what does an oil baron have to do with your heating and A/C?
3:18 pm
[akktri]
No good deed goes unpunished
A Liberty Mutual commercial shows a man pulling someone out of the street to prevent them from being hit by a car. The announcer said that was being "responsible," like their bank was being "responsible." But if this is the case, what would it say about their bank if the man rescued from the speeding car was a wanted serial killer? Or Adolf Hitler? Or how about that episode of Star Trek where Kirk goes back to the 1920's and saves a woman from getting hit by a car only to cause a temporal disaster? Would Liberty Mutual be "responsible" like Kirk? Or would they be "responsible" enough to obey the prime directive and let the woman die?
3:17 pm
[akktri]
"Put it in your head"
Mr. Pibb commercials say "put it in your head." But why would I want to pour a soda into my cranium? Wouldn't that cause severe brain damage?
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
7:55 pm
[akktri]
Sling dogs
I want to order a Slingdog at work and break the window. That is all.
7:55 pm
[akktri]
Five dollar thousand long?
Pay attention to what you see in those "5-5 dollar foot long" commercials from Subway. Have you ever noticed the scale discrepancy? A woman on the ground holds out her hands, each one foot apart. A giant robot taller than a building holds its hands apart and...how the hell could that be a foot long? His foot long is probably a car length apart. Or more. Shouldn't that be "5-5 dollar hundred long"?
Tuesday, December 16th, 2008
2:56 am
[akktri]
The Runs
A Pepto commercial said, "Diarrhea stops me in my tracks!" Really? It's been my experience that diarrhea leaves tracks!
Monday, November 24th, 2008
12:14 am
[akktri]
Crystal Lite
Do I believe in Crystal Lite? No. Frankly, it's not very tasty. It's rather bland, actually. I prefer real sugar. But even if I did like it, I wouldn't believe in Crystal Lite, I'd just drink it.
12:01 am
[akktri]
Apple Jacks
A is for apple. J is for Jacks. But the abbreviation "AJ" is not actually featured on the cereal box.
12:00 am
[akktri]
Commercials that should never be shown again
*The Crystal Lite commercial that goes "It's the taste of ungh-ungh-ungh-ungh."
*The original Beepbeep.com song.
*The Beepbeep.com commercial where the guy drives on the median strip and people chant the website name ad nauseum as he creates the website address in the astroturf.
*Any commercial featuring Billy Mayes. He doesn't know how to control his volume.
Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
11:35 pm
[akktri]
Joe the plumber
Who on earth came up with the whole idea of Joe the plumber? Did those people actually think such a lame idea would actually work? This is by far the worst advertising concept ever invented, and probably cost McCain the election.
Obama put in a commercial advertising spot that lasted SIX FRIGGIN' HOURS!
McCain went on Saturday Night Live. And SNL hasn't had a funny episode since all the good comedians left it a decade ago.
Obama had a six hour commercial. And Oprah. You could put a turd in a hardback cover and it would sell if Oprah advertised it. The Obama campaign is genius because they put a turd in a suit and it sold just like her crappy books.
And let's not forget his demographic. Obama knew that the majority of the voting population was largely composed of brainless bubbleheads that accept everything that VH1 and The View and Oprah tell them, so he created the world's longest political infomercial to hypnotize them into submission.
I voted libertarian because I don't like the other guy, either.
11:12 pm
[akktri]
Blue Cross Fliers
From Deckardcanine:
Blue Cross Blue Shield ran a full-page ad for their federal employment program in my paper today. It shows multiple rows of blue poolside chairs, interspersed with closed umbrellas and little tables. The brief upper caption: "Blue is freedom to choose." (The last three words appear handwritten on a line, apparently to evoke someone having chosen the words on a form.) The longer caption in smaller font:

Different people have different preferences. A parent might need a health plan with room to grow, while young singles may want basic coverage with low deductibles. Blue Cross Blue Shield is a great choice for them and everyone in between, thanks to the size of our provider network and our flexible plan options. Find out more at fepblue.org.

What doesn't sit right with me? Well, the chairs all look identical. They may be empty and therefore up for grabs, but when the only differences are in precise location, it's hard to get excited about your freedom to choose. The image utterly fails to convey anything like "room to grow" versus "basic" or "low deductibles."

While I'm at it... BCBS, please decide on a standard way to write your name. Your logo shows "BlueCross BlueShield," contradicting the same ad's paragraph. The Web site even adds "and," as in "the Blue Cross and Blue Shield Association." My job requires me now and then to figure out what to call you. Please make it easier.

Source: http://deckardcanine.livejournal.com/140630.html
Sunday, November 16th, 2008
11:55 pm
[akktri]
My social security number
My social security number is 457-55-5462!
Okay, so it's that identity protection service guy's SSN.
(Hey! He plastered it on a truck and put it on TV, so why not? Unless it's someone else's SSN, but still, it's already too late!)
11:55 pm
[akktri]
Eco friendly gekko
Recently GEICO has done a bunch of commercials about how they'll give money to zoos and preserve wildlife. Why advertise this on television? It's nice, but it doesn't make me want to buy insurance!
11:54 pm
[akktri]
Getting gas
Recent McDonalds commercials show people doing active things while eating. I don't know about you, but when I move around a lot while eating, I get gas. Also, it's possible to choke.
Wednesday, November 12th, 2008
1:42 pm
[akktri]
Peter Pan
Now, why would I want to believe in peanut butter? Is belief in peanut butter necessary for enjoyment of the product? What about jelly? Does jelly have a say in all this? Does your product expire when someone says they don't believe in it? If so, grocery stores will be putting a lot of it in the discount carts. Furthermore it should be obvious that it will continue to exist regardless of what a consumer chooses to believe.
1:39 pm
[akktri]
The Progressive Store
A lot of the Progressive commercials don't make sense. It's a large store in the middle of nowhere with white walls, white ceiling, white floors, white desks, white products, and a white clerk in a white uniform. When she tells a man about his special coverages, she hands him a paint can with a Progressive label on it, but it's the same insurance package as the other things she's describing. Insurance doesn't need packages. Why on earth would he ever need one in a paint can? What is in those boxes anyway? Forms? Then there's her comment about the "big tricked out name tag." What, don't those cost $5 at the most? That's not much of a savings, if you ask me. The same goes for a new pair of shoes. The board appears to say that a guy just saved $200, but I'm not certain about that. Maybe he only saved $5? Where is this store anyways? And what about that dog? Who mops up after the animals?
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